From Bootstraps to Belonging
Hey America, Maybe We Stop Gaslighting Ourselves?
Have we been gaslighting ourselves?
We praise the person who “pulls themselves up by their bootstraps” as if that is the pinnacle of American grit. We glorify exceptionalism as the goal while rolling our eyes at systematic equality. We celebrate the lone wolf who wins, but rarely pause to ask whether the whole pack is safe.
Why do we still treat scarcity and competition like they’re holy writ—when it’s not necessary to compete for everything? When we know, deep down, there is enough?
Why do we keep living like our lives are supposed to look like a death match, where the goal is to lord over people, when it’s just not necessary?
The Trap of “Winners”
We rarely call out extraction and abuse, because if our framework says “someone has to win” and success = winning, then to question the winner is to question success itself. And if “Americans overcome,” then pointing out how “success” was built—through exploitation, shortcuts, or systems designed for some and against others—feels almost unpatriotic.
So we stay silent. We worship the winner, even when the victory poisons the village.
Rebranding Ourselves
But what if we started to rebrand America? What if we allowed ourselves to heal from the trauma of our past? What if we grew beyond our avoidant attachment to support and started to value each other—not in competition, but in appreciation?
How would we get there?
First, we’d need to feel safe enough to even imagine it.
Psychologists talk about the role of nervous system regulation, EMDR, somatic therapy, and belonging in shifting us from survival into expansion. “Safety is not the absence of threat, but the presence of connection,” writes Stephen Porges, founder of Polyvagal Theory. And as Bessel van der Kolk reminds us: “The body keeps the score.” Healing doesn’t just happen in our heads; it’s about how safe our bodies feel in the systems around us.
Health Is Structural
Dr. Oz once said it’s our patriotic duty to be healthy. But that’s a hollow charge without structural accountability. You can’t shame people into health while ignoring:
Work standards – fair time, pay, benefits, and opportunity.
Healthcare – cost, quality, and accessibility.
Food systems – sourcing, chemicals, subsidies, and price.
Housing and community – rent and inflation protections, rethinking valuation, and designing neighborhoods that honor beauty and belonging. Instead of endless sprawl, we could repurpose what we got wrong the first time, invest in craftsmanship and connection, create more parks and green spaces where nature can regulate us. Studies show that even ten minutes in a tree-filled park lowers cortisol and blood pressure. “The clearest way into the universe is through a forest wilderness,” wrote John Muir. Beauty is not a luxury—it is medicine.
Messaging – the cultural drumbeat that says: you’re not okay, make it or die, everything is competition, struggle is moral, dependence is weakness.
That’s not patriotism. That’s a gaslight bag of poo.
Valuing Ourselves Enough
A rebrand begins when we stop gaslighting ourselves into believing there’s not enough. When we start valuing ourselves enough to insist on systems that reflect what we already know:
There is no lack.
Innovation exists to uplift the ecosystem.
I thrive as the baker thrives, as the bus driver thrives, as the app maker, the barista, the doctor, and the artist thrive.
We value ourselves enough to demand civil servants who align with these values. We value ourselves enough to insist on guardrails that prevent lawmakers from personally profiting off the very policies they shape.
And we value ourselves enough to ask: do I see my own magnificence—or have I been trained to only see lack?
How We Move the Needle
Systemic change is slow. Personal change is immediate. We move the needle when we shift what we believe we are worthy of.
That might mean meditation, prayer, therapy. For me, it’s also meant creating practices that keep me oriented toward abundance, safety, and worthiness. That’s why I built four journals:
The Gratitude Journal – for beginners who just need to remember: three good things happened today.
The Shift Journal – a 30-day practice based on David Hawkins’ Levels of Consciousness to notice and shift your daily vibration.
The Illuminate Journal – blending Byron Katie’s four questions, Sara Landon’s joy practice, and To Be Magnetic’s subconscious work to help transform or release stuck thoughts.
What’s My Superpower? – a playful introduction to astrology for those who want to see their own magnificence reflected back.
Each is designed to keep your hands busy and your mind gently redirected—because sometimes the most radical revolution is simply insisting on your own worth.
And if you’re more tech-curious, I’ve also created AI Bestie—in two forms:
a PDF Instant Download and 14-day course designed to help you use AI as a mirror for clarity, reflection, and possibility.
Think of it as a sandbox where you can play with your own thoughts, work through patterns, and practice new ways of seeing yourself—with a little digital best friend guiding you through.
The Bigger Picture
When we stop gaslighting ourselves into thinking “hard is holy” and “scarcity is moral,” we can finally insist on systems that uplift us all.
That isn’t un-American. It might just be the most American thing we could do—reclaiming the courage to rebrand, to grow up, and to build a future where belonging is our true badge of honor.